Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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