so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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