Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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