So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
