isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
