I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
