He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
