I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize