just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
