dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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