I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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