He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
