If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
They have beer where we have blood.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
