Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
