I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize