I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
