u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
