I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
