my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize