I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
