Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
