I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It was confusing and full of hummus
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
