got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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