Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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