Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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