I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
