I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
