so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize