96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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