I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize