i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
