i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
