so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Shame is for Republicans.
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