does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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