I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
