i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
