You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
