Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
