There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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