physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
