Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
ttyl tear gas
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
