Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
