I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
