My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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