I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am midnight drunk by noon
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
