grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
