You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
