I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
