saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
