i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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