i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
