I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
