But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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