so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
