There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
