well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
