you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
