what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
