I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
