Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
