It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
