If i come over, it means nothing
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
