Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
