Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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