Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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