Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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