I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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