two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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