well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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