I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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