I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
